Friday Funnies: Bryan Fischer and ‘Americans For Truth’

It’s time for the first Friday Funnies, a feature with an alliterave and painfully unoriginal title. Enjoy!

I’ve mentioned Americans for Truth About Homosexuality before, but in case you missed that post, here’s all you need to know: they’re nuts. And not just the usual ‘Can’t you see that you’re turning your country into a pit of first-world inequality’ nuts, either – when these guys decide to make asses of themselves, they really go for it. Their latest article to catch my eye is about (of course) the liberal outrage over Obama’s decision to allow Rick Warren to pray at his inauguration. Here’s what they have to say:

By blasting Obama for choosing Rick Warren as an Inaugural speaker — and demonizing Warren as a “homophobe” because he supported Prop 8 — homosexual activists are showing the world just how empty their “tolerance” ideology really is. Click on photo to enlarge.

Here’s an outstanding release from Pastor Bryan Fischer with the Idaho Values Alliance, an affiliate of American Family Association. Poor Barack Obama: he’s promised the world to one of the most demanding and unreasonable special interest movements on the planet. Imagine blasting the gregarious Warren as a “homophobe” because he supported Prop 8 in California. (Note the incredibly elastic, ever-expanding definition of homophobia.) Our favorite lesbian blog-stremist Pam Spaulding chastises Warren for his “sad bigotry” HERE and hits Warren for “bigotry, small-mindedness and downright ignorance” (Pam and friends know a thing or two about small-mindedness).

Holy shit! We’re the worst people in the world, aren’t we? (And yes, all of those links are actually in the original.) The pre-rant rant goes on for quite a while before we’re treated to Pastor Brian Fischer’s luminous prose:

Prediction: for the first time in American history, a speaker at a presidential inauguration may be booed unmercifully, and his remarks completely drowned out by angry jeers from an incensed crowd. We may even see shoes tossed at the inauguration platform by the hundreds. It could be a modern day lynching, only this time the victim of a vigilante mob will be proverbially strung up not because of skin color but creed.

Although Fischer comes across as remarkably optimistic here, he goes too far later in the essay by predicting that Warren will be drowned out by four million people booing incessantly – despite our very best efforts, the numbers are unlikely to top two million at the most. Still, 50% isn’t bad, is it?

Fischer seems to have a rather odd idea of what ‘tolerance’ means. Apparently, GLBT people all over America are expected to not be angry at Obama for favouring a man who doesn’t believe that same-sex relationships are worth state recognition at all and that same-sex marriage is directly comparable to incest and paedophilia (It’s true!). Now, before I’m accused of attempting to ‘silence pastors all over the country’ (that’s stage five of the Gay Agenda; we’re only on Stage Four), I should point out that there is a rather large difference between speaking to beliefnet or a media outlet and speaking/praying at the next president of the USA’s inaugeration. That jackasses of Warren’s calibre exist is no secret, but it is somewhat off-putting when they’re shown such preferential treatment by a man as important as Barack Obama. Fischer doesn’t appear to grasp the distinction, although you need to remind yourself that he’s writing for a website which caters to idiots:

Good Heavens.

Good Heavens.

And, before I’m accused of being intolerant, let me clarify by saying that I don’t think Pastor Fischer is actually an idiot – I’m assuming that, by this point, the Americans For Truth website has some sort of filter that just dumbs everything down to the appropriate level automatically. How else am I to explain such puzzling statements as ‘Warren is about as gracious, compassionate, jovial and kind as you can get’? Only a computerised artifical intelligence, its cold heart blind to the true meaning of a concept like ‘compassion’, could have composed such a grammatically correct yet deeply paradoxical sentence.

In his very last paragraph, Fischer even comes close to playing the ‘I have gay friends’ card, but falls just short by not actually using the word ‘friend’. I guess he didn’t want to get too friendly.

(Pastor Bryan Fischer is currently the executive director of the Idaho Values Alliance, whose tagline is “Making Idaho the Friendliest Place in the World to Raise a Family”. Yes, really.)

(For the humour-deficient: the only part of this post that is meant to be taken seriously is where I say that Americans for Truth About Homosexuality is aimed at idiots. The rest is all satire, I swear.)
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